#6 The Calling to Ministry

My friends sometimes wonder why on earth did I become a pastor.

After the CSM camp I had a real struggle in Grade 10/ Standard 8. My time in high school were running out fast.  I had to start planning my career.  When I was younger I thought I would love to make lots of money. So I decided to join the church.... (joke! :-) )  I  thought at first to study to become an accountant, but then- my results in Accounting were not that good. I also thought about becoming a lawyer, but I thought I was too honest for that job...  (Sorry Petra!)

I have a good friend and classmate, Roché Vermaak, who were also in our congregation.  Between us we had quite a good knowledge of the Bible. One day our pastor asked us what we wanted to do with our lives. And then he dropped the bomb- he thought that we would be good candidates for ministry.  I could easily see Roché as a pastor. He had these fantastic academic results, and was always well spoken in front of people. And yes- he became a good pastor, he is now in the Brentwood Presbyterian Church in California- the Lord even blessed him with a wife who is also a pastor. I imagine they speak in Ancient Greek in the bedroom...

But me- a pastor? No ways! I was extremely shy and introverted. I had that Moses complex- I can't speak in front of people!  And 6 years of University study at the Angel Factory!  That is quite a long time!  And to learn Ancient Greek and Hebrew- way above my head...  I had lots and lots of excuses why the Lord had about 5 billion better suited candidates for the job.  I often still feel like that!

But one evening I was reading my Bible. And suddenly Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 2:1-5  was as if spoken to me personally. If somebody as clever and awesome as Paul of Tarsis said he was not relying on big words and great learning (Good News Bible) If he said he was weak and trembling all over with fear and his teaching was not delivered with skilful words of human wisdom- then MAYBE, just maybe the Lord could do something with my life as well. But then God had to deliver verse 4- I needed the convincing power of the Spirit of God. (still do!)  People's faith would not be built on my words, but on God's Power.
And so I said yes to the calling to ministry. With the understanding that I will preach Jesus Christ, the risen Lord, as my foundation.

My friend Roché moved away from our home town, and he studied at another university, it would be years before we saw each other again. And I wish we could have a nice time to visit each other again.
I went to the University of the Orange Free State in Bloemfontein, in the centre of South Africa.
Wow- what a journey- especially the Greek and Hebrew- it really, really floored me! I remember this one test in Hebrew- I studied for days on end, and finally scored 11%
I did finish my Theological Studies in 6 years time, through a lot of grace, not always based on hard work...

It was a long, long time to be busy with studies. And it really stretched my faith, sometimes to near breaking point. Subjects like Text Critique was really tough. The debates even then- the Old Testament prof saying academically there is no person as the devil visible in the Old Testament, and it is a far stretch to see any OT texts dealing specifically with the prophesies of Jesus Christ coming in the fullness of time as the Messiah...

Somehow I came back to the point were it is necessary to believe like a child.  I still do not have a clue what I am doing in Ministry, but somehow God sometimes touches people's lives in spite of me...

I have now been 20 years in full time ministry- the time a Roman soldier were in the Army...
This is the halfway point of my career, speaking of the retirement age of 65 in our church.
I still have so much to learn, things to do, being there for people in need..

Still following in Jesus' footsteps in my own unique way while trying to lead others...

[I have written this after the 5th funeral in 3 weeks time, to try and remember why I am still here...]

#5 A fire on the beach- a fire in the heart...

I grew up in a church- going family. In our family there are two lines of belief: christian or agnostics.  At school I was really interested in Bible stories, as I were always wondering what the meaning of life was supposed to be. And Douglas Adams' answer of 42 did not do it for me... (Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy- a favourite book of mine, by the way!)  I was religious, but did not  have a relationship with Jesus yet. My faith could be described as a set of rules- don't drink, smoke, sleep around, dance...  And so it went on till I was 16- in South Africa's Standard 8- (Grade 10 today)

The Christian Student Movement had camps during holiday times at Winklespruit near Durban, South Africa. These camps usually were about 5 days long, at a camping site next to the beach.  As a young boy, living far from the beach, it was wonderful to go to these camps, swimming in the sea, playing volleball and beach cricket, meeting friends from all over the Natal Province of South Africa. 

Every day also had some spiritual sessions. One of the highlights on these camps was the last evening. Then all the counsellors prepared a very special journey on the beach.  We went walking on the beach in the dark, each one carrying a kerosene torch... the beach is quite a stretch, and then it makes a bend. Around the bend there stood a burning cross on the beach. Now in South Africa a burning cross does not have the KKK connection as in the USA, it is not a racist symbol here at all. In fact, the message was that the cross of Jesus became a shining light in the darkness. As we gathered around the cross, we quietly sat down. The pastor leading the camp reasd from Luke 15- the story of the Prodigal Son.  He told us of the Fatherheart of God, and of the life in abundance which flowed from a personal relationship with Jesus. And then he invited us to commit our lives to Jesus as Lord and King. That evening of 3 October 1983 I said yes to Jesus.  And a new journey began. It was quite a bumpy ride so far. But even if I sometimes doubt a lot of things, I am sure about the foundation of my life. Even if I do not understand everything, I know this: we were made as social creatures- we need relationships in our lives.

My personal experience is that it makes sense to me that the God who created heaven and earth, wants to be a Heavenly Father to me.  My belief is that Jesus came to show me the way, to sacrifice Himself to give me a new life.  And I believe that the Holy Spirit is busy reforming my life to be more and more a vessel of God's love to others.
As I experience God in my life, I am also sure that Jesus'commandment to love one another (John 15 to name just one example) is still the best way of life on earth. If everybody loved one another, this world would already feel like a piece of heaven. 
Relationships became the most important thing in my life, with God, family and friends. I find the greatest joy in relationships. And in my life- the things that hurts the most is broken relationships...

So if you read this to understand me a little better, this is one of the crucial moments in my life. I may be one of God's more uncertain children- a doubting Thomas if you like. But this I know- Jesus died and rose for me.  He has given me a new life.  I still have a very hard time living a holy life. I grew up in an industrial town, and really have a hard time to not use swear words. I  still have a hard time trusting the Lord in financial matters. My faith is sometimes weak, and I really get upset about the level of commitment in His church.  But Jesus has never let me down. I trust in Him, even if it sometimes still feels like a small trust- like the mustard seed...

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Picture found on the internet- I just can't see the blog's name anywhere to give credit where credit is due- so sorry if it is your picture!
That time in my life I did not have a camera to take a picture, the picture of the burning cross is in my heart...